The 5 Stages of Grief

The doctor hands you a stack of papers. She’s circled and highlighted the name of the diagnosis. She’s asked you to read through it and call if you have questions.

You drive home, and everyone else is carrying on with their lives. Kids kick soccer balls in the green field, traffic chugs along, someone has cranked the top 40′s and hangs a limp cigarette out their window.

You are desperately trying to keep it together, but tears leak from your eyes, even though the sun is beating down, and nothing feels like it’s actually changed. 

You know that when you arrive at home, it will hit you harder. And you’ll have to tell people now, break the awful news again and again. Some you will call that night, others in a few weeks. You just want it to be over. You just want to know: will you all survive this?

The unknown is crushing you, the shock is making you ache. Suddenly the thawing chicken breast in the fridge seems like the worst possible dinner idea. You might never eat again. Your nerves are wobbly, sparking, threatening to ignite.

This is the hard part. There is no immediate escape, the answers to your questions might make you feel sick, you might be crying for months on end.

This is the hardest part. Stepping into a new season, fully walking in, knowing that you can’t turn back.

You can make a choice: do it well, lean on those around you, be real about your grief, press into your God, immerse yourself in places of peace, and understand that this will be tough. Some of the hardest steps include letting go and leaning into this season. It is much harder to thrash against the waves. You just have to be carried.

Or, you can let fear wash over you, and it will, with surprising force. It will knock you right over. You will feel like you’re falling, like someone pushed you off a cliff, and your stomach will drop again and again as the name of the diagnosis rolls around on your tongue and through your mind. It will feel like no one cares, and nothing will help alleviate the pain. You will be swallowed whole.

But you can choose to come out of that fear. It will take great effort, and you may need to push past the fear every minute of every day. But eventually by taking it one day at a time, and letting that bit of denial soothe the quickly fraying edges of your world, you will move through the stages, you will move on.

Depending on the severity of the diagnosis, your personality, support network, belief system, and other important factors, these stages can stretch on or be cut short. They can overlap and they can resurface. There is a pattern, but there isn’t a formula for grief.

It’s not happening, it’s not real, there’s been a mistake. The cool comforter on your bed will draw you under, for hours on end. Darkness. Quiet. You just want to be left alone. Sleep is the most incredible escape. You can’t face it head on yet, it just doesn’t work like that. Your body is roiling with shock, and it needs to catch up. It is so easy to just push everything away. The funny thing is, you might be craving support and shoulders to lean on, but you just can’t bring yourself to tell people. Telling them will make it real. Isolation goes hand in hand with denial. No sorry looking stares, no sympathy, not yet.

Friends and Family: If you are close to the family and have heard the news in the first week of receiving diagnosis, offer hands on support. Take the kids to school, drop off meals, leave flowers on the doorstep, write words in a card, but don’t try to talk through this stage with the family. Denying the new diagnosis is a coping mechanism, and it’s actually okay. It protects the body and mind from incredible shock. Don’t ask how they are doing. They are miserable. It may last a few days, a few weeks, but they will come out of it. Don’t ask to help, or send a text message offering something. Just do it.

You have no idea what I’m going through. You are so selfish. You take everything for granted.  I can’t believe you are complaining about that. What is your problem?

The doctor who diagnosed your loved one is a huge target for this anger. You might want to pull their hair and scream: What kind of job is this? How could you ruin our lives like this? Friends, family, strangers, all become moving targets for your thoughts and sometimes words. The pain has re-emerged in a weird, ugly way and is starting to feel very real. Suddenly anyone who hasn’t experienced grief or loss is shut out. They just don’t understand, you say. When they complain about little things, or even good thing that your child might never do (i.e: I hope he’s not an early walker like his dad! He’s getting into everything as it is!”), you will rage inside.

Friends and Family: Don’t stay away, but be prepared. Be careful with your words. Don’t pretend it’s not happening, but don’t try to change the subject or talk about something “happy.” Don’t offer ideas to cope, unless you have been there yourself, but even then, it is so hard to receive at this point. Everything just feels tight, like a sealed clam shell. Don’t crack your way in. Just be available, offering practical and emotional support. There are a lot of “don’ts” in this stage, but hold the space, hold on, even when they don’t respond or reply. They are listening.

This is when you start searching for God, even if you don’t know Him. You want to make a deal. You want to believe that someone else is in control, but it feels awfully hard to trust, now that you’ve been given a life altering diagnosis. You start regretting things: why did we wait so long, why didn’t I see this sooner, I shouldn’t have brought this up, why is this happening to us?

Friends and Family: If the family believes in God, offer music, books, scripture art prints in the mail, or things that have helped you in an awful and vulnerable time but don’t suggest reading the books or playing the song. Just drop them off at the front door. They might pick up that book a year later, but they will appreciate the outreach. Send along your prayers, don’t just say you are praying. Now is not the time for fillers (i.e: I’m so sorry, Let me know if there’s anything I can do, God won’t give you more than you can handle, Just hold on.)

There is a deep sadness that invades your home, permeates all the places where joy once lived. It is overwhelming. This is the time of weeping, of grieving the loss of “normalcy”, understanding the implications of the diagnosis, the road ahead. Everything feels achy. You might be imagining what life will look like if: your child will never walk, the odds of survival are 1%, your child will never talk, your loved one will experience immense pain. If it’s progressive, this is a whole other world of grief. The unknown journey ahead can be long and filled with so much loss along the way. The thought of watching your loved one lose abilities, struggle, suffer? This is indeed a time of lamenting.

You may have to go to those places that you once denied, and walk into the very darkness that you are afraid of. And when you get there, know that you are not alone. If you believe in God, it is clearly written in the Bible that: the Lord goes before you. He will not leave you or forsake you (Deut. 31:8).

Friends and Family: Don’t try to lure the family out of this stage. Sometimes we forget that grief needs to be acknowledged. And sometimes we forget that it’s okay to grieve together. It will not make the family any more upset, it will not prolong the grief, but it will speak to the family: I see you and you are not forgotten. A diagnosis may not mean death, but it is still a major shift in life, it’s still pain, it’s still a journey. There is a time for lamenting, and there is a time for healing too.

Jeremiah 6:26  

“You who are my people, weep with me for it is time.  Put on sackcloth and roll in ashes. Cry as you would for the loss of an only child. The time for bitter tears has come.”     

This really is the time to sit in the dust and drain the body of grief; sometimes every few minutes, sometimes twice a day. Day by the intensity will gradually wane, but don’t rush it. Keep feeding them, offer a housecleaning service, gift cards, hugs, thoughtful gestures and don’t be afraid to weep with them.

A painful barb, and a theme that travels through the whole grieving process, is recognizing that other people go on with their lives. That some don’t seem to care. Even if you don’t have the words, say something. The last thing the family needs to feel is alone. The act of sitting in grief with someone is powerful. If you are very close with the family, remember that acknowledging the pain of others, when you want to blast your kid’s first steps or their adorable smiles across social media, is incredibly supportive in this time. Putting aside your life, your world for even a day, can be an extravagant display of affection, compassion and understanding.

Some of the most powerful words you can say: I am with you in this, carrying your grief as best as I can. I see what you are going through, and I mourn with you. I’m carving out a place for you in my life, a time to pray, to cook for you, to reflect, to ask others to pray for you. I care about you and your family so much, and my heart breaks with yours. I carry a small portion of grief in comparison to yours, for I know

that you are carrying so much more, but I am with you. You are not forgotten in this place. I am not unavailable to you, no matter what; my life is not too full to walk through this season with you. Not a moment goes by where I’m not thinking of you and praying for you.

 Tears are a balm to a wounded but healed heart

Vulnerability, tenderness, compassion, and openness are all qualities that humankind carries. But to truly tap into those qualities, well, it takes a great and often painful shift in life.

That shift makes sure you acknowledge that everything has changed. You are awakened in the worst and best possible way. Life is hard, but life is to be savored. I think those that go through grief or trauma really understand the art of savoring life.

You might look at photos before the diagnosis, and feel a new kind of grief, a longing, or as the Welsh put it: “hiraeth”. Hiraeth is the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

Things will not be the same. You cannot go back. Grief doesn’t have to destroy you, but even when you move on; it will always be a part of your story. You have been shaped, rubbed hard against the stone. You have changed. But you can experience life again, and the changes that have taken place in your heart can be used for bigger, beautiful things when you are ready.

The diagnosis may have changed a lot in your life, but you are learning to live with it. Perhaps it’s a wheelchair, new equipment, medications, nursing care, a hospice or hospital. These things may no longer be resisted, but accepted as tools to help your loved one. Sometimes that old twinge of grief will come when you see your child or spouse in a wheelchair for the first time. Bumps in the road will come along: extended hospital visits, relapse, advanced care, but it will get “easier” to move forward. Acceptance is a beautiful, holy thing.

Friends and Family: Life does move on. But this might take quite some time. Follow the cues of the family. If they celebrate life, if they laugh and throw parties, if they want to know about your family, then this is a signal that they are accepting their new life. When they ask how you are, they really want to know the deep things. They want to connect with you in a more meaningful way. Their story is out in the open. When you hide yours as a way to protect them, or to keep yourself from being vulnerable, it can actually hurt. They don’t want to feel inferior or broken because things have turned out differently than they expected. They can handle your petty complaints, for the most part! Don’t apologize. They don’t always want to be asked: how are you doing, really? Trust that they will share with you when they want to. But at some point, they don’t want it to be about them anymore.

And don’t forget, they love you and your support even if they can’t put it into words.
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It’s been two years since my daughter was diagnosed, and I have finally reached this stage of acceptance. I am thankful, although I still experience grief, as it has woven its way into our lives. But instead of walking down the street with uncontrollable tears streaming off my cheeks when I see a child the same age as Florence running, I whisper: You will run one day too, sweetheart. We believe in miracles, and even though we have seen Florence lose so much, we still hold on to the belief that miracles occur on this earth. And if not here, then in heaven; but one day, one fine, glorious day, we will see our baby girl run, dance, and dart between our legs. This is acceptance too.

I realize I can’t change the past, or even the current journey we are on. But I can choose to hope.

I can accept that it’s been two years and my daughter has not gotten better, but rather has declined in health. This doesn’t mean I don’t grapple with sadness, anger, fear or isolation. I can’t change the past or future, but I can rest in the assurance that my God holds my whole world, my whole family, in His hands.

Receiving Admonition in our Close Relationships

Hopefully you are developing close relationships with other believers. In healthy close Christian relationships, there is a mutual freedom and openness when it comes to confronting or admonishing each other.  If you have this kind of mutual accountability you are extremely blessed. You will not be effective in giving admonition though, unless you first know how to receive it. Consider the following questions as you review your own Christian friendships: 

1. Have you given them permission to admonish you? 

Sometimes we send subtle and not so subtle signs to those we are close to us that certain areas are off limits. Your reaction, such as anger, avoidance, and moodiness can keep people from approaching you. Is your relationship strong enough to reveal areas that you struggle in? Is the door of communication and vulnerability wide enough to allow freedom to discuss such areas and be able to reprove you? If you are unsure about this, you should consider asking them if they feel this freedom. If they don't, ask them why they don't. 

2.  Are they free to raise questions about issues that are not black and white? 

There are several teachings in the Bible that are clearly articulated with little or no dispute, such as the condemnation of fornication, lying, and stealing. We do not have to extensively investigate the Bible in order to figure out God's position on such matters.  These issues could be called black and white areas.  However, there are many issues that the Bible does not take an absolute stand on. We call these gray areas. 

What is a Gray Area? 

Gray areas are issues that Scripture does not take a dogmatic stance on, or at the very least, issues that Scripture does not discuss in depth.  Instead, the Bible gives Christians the liberty to make God-glorifying decisions based on their convictions. 

What Are Some Examples of Gray Areas? Drinking, dating, kissing, gambling, smoking, clothing, music, movies, television, birth control, dancing, spending your money, home schooling, working moms, etc.

Do your friends or family feel they must have an open and shut case before they can ask you? Much of the "fine-tuning" of our characters comes through other Christians who know us well—our tendencies and our weaknesses. 

3.  Do they feel that they have to “walk on eggshells” regarding besetting sins? 

It’s a good sign when Christians are involved deeply in one another's lives and relating to each other under grace. Are you so defensive and thin-skinned that your Christian friends avoid telling you what they need to tell you? When Christians silently agree to relate to each other this way, it destroys true fellowship

Just a thought…not a sermon!

Blessings to you today,

Receiving Admonition
Do you value friends who care enough to reprove you!

As a Pastor, there are times when I need to counsel someone and admonish them that their behavior or sin is not what God would want for them. Sometimes they come into my office desiring information or just to talk to someone regarding an issue that they are facing or dealing with. Taking the Bible, I would sit down with them and share the wisdom that God has in His Word; hoping to give them hope, direction and encouragement in the situation.

In my heart I know that God’s way is the best way.  It may not be the easiest way, but it is the best way; because our heavenly Father is an all-knowing and all-powerful God. He loves them and desires the very best for His children.

Unfortunately, some people just like to get advice and never heed any of that advice.  They then make a decision to do their "own thing" and never acquire the wisdom that God so much wants them to obtain. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to mature without receiving admonition!  Our “Fight Club Men” have been reading the Book of Proverbs every day of their 12 week commitment to discipleship. As I have been reading Proverbs, these verses jumped off the pages as to the value of giving and receiving admonishment. Solomon makes this point over and over to those who want to be wise and spiritually successful. If you are a person who struggles with being admonished spiritually, check out these verses and meditate on them: 

Proverbs 9:8 - “Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.”
Proverbs 10:17 – “Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.”
Proverbs 12:1 – “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.”
Proverbs 13:18 – “Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.”
Proverbs 15:5 – “A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.”
Proverbs 15:32 – “Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.”
Proverbs 17:10 – “A rebuke impresses a discerning person more than a hundred lashes a fool.”
Proverbs 24:24, 25 - “Whoever says to the guilty, “You are innocent,” will be cursed by peoples and denounced by nations.But it will go well with those who convict the guilty,and rich blessing will come on them.”
Proverbs 27:5 – “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
Proverbs 29:1 – “Whoever remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed - without remedy.
Ecclesiastes 7:5 – “It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person than to listen to the song of fools.

How did you treat the last person that reproved you? 

Do you think they will want to help you again with a reproof?

Have you ever thanked someone for admonishing you?

Just a thought…not a sermon!

Blessings for today!
Dave Knight

Today I want to touch on another facet of how we can encourage one another within the body of Christ here at Osceola Grace.

My key thought comes from Colossians 3:16 which tells us,

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.”

The ultimate goal for the body of Christ is that we would all grow up to maturity in Christ. 

Paul told the Ephesians in  chapter 4:13-16, “until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

If we are to grow as believers in this body at Osceola Grace, I believe we must obey Ephesians 4:15,

“speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Speaking the truth in love involves many things, but the most important things are encouragement and admonition.  These two "one another" imperatives are the verbal ones that are mentioned most frequently in the epistles. Paul said this to the people of Thessalonica in 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

Both encouragement and admonition recognize a key need of Christians, and each seeks to meet that need by communicating a key portion of God's truth.  If we commit ourselves to become adept at these, we will build the foundation of an effective, Spirit-led ministry here at Osceola.

The definition of the word ADMONITION is: A moral correction through verbal confrontation WHICH IS MOTIVATED BY LOVE. Other synonyms of the word admonition are also translated "instruct," "convict," "correct," "reprove," "warn," "refute," "expose," and "rebuke."

Christians are sinful and liable to self-deception and Biblical Admonition. God’s Truth seeks to correct them by communicating God's imperatives; His commands.

As part of the body here at Osceola Grace, we should be willing and able to admonish as well as encourage. In Romans 15:14, Paul remarks that all of the believers in Rome were able to admonish one another – not just the leadership. 

“And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, and able also to admonish one another.”

Notice the two qualities that he says enable them to admonish effectively:

• "Goodness" - Good will and loving concern for one another's well-being (which any of us can have with the help of the Holy Spirit).

• "Knowledge" - This has nothing to do with having a high IQ or a professional degree, but knowledge of God's Word which provides objective,absolute moral guidance (which is available to all of us) 

Other passages in New Testament proclaim similar thoughts:

Colossians 3:16 tells us, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

Matthew 18:15 has this instruction, "And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”

Unfortunately, many in church circles have lost the balance of these important instructions. Today they are often pitted against one another. Encouragement is "OK" but admonition is "NOT OK." None of us likes admonition because of our sin nature, but our culture has particular problems with this. Today there seems to be a lack of moral absolutes in our society and because of this they equate moral correction with unloving intolerance. People today do what is right in their own eyes and feel they have no need for a higher moral authority. Admonition is therefore seen as unnecessary and even harmful.

Unfortunately, many of us in the church have assimilated this mentality to a remarkable degree. Encouragement is seen as mandatory to spiritual growth, but admonition is tragically absent from many Christians' view of love. It is not "politically correct" in the current climate for Christians to confront one another about moral issues. Those who admonish other Christians run the risk of being called intrusive at best, and spiritually abusive at worst. Yet the New Testament is clear that, because of human depravity, it is not possible to love one another without admonishing one another.

In my next blog I will give some practical ways in which we can admonish one another in order that we may grow into maturity in Christ.

Just a thought ... not a sermon!

Blessings for today!

Your Care Pastor,

Dave Knight

We are to comfort one another

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

The word “comfort” in this passage in the original Greek is the word “Parakaleo” which means to call to one’s side, call for or summon. The picture here is one where someone walks alongside of another, providing comfort, even exhortation as they walk along the road of life. Jesus told his disciples in John 14:16, “And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever;” (KJV). The (NIV) uses the word, “Advocate”. The Holy Spirit is the one that the Father has sent to be with us, and in us, so that He might comfort and direct our steps as we walk the Christian life.

Each member of the Godhead is our source and supply for comfort in our walk in Christ. 

The Father            2 Corinthians 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of                                   mercies and God of all comfort”.

                           Romans 15:5 “Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward                             one another, according to Christ Jesus”. 

Jesus the Son       2 Thessalonians 2:16-17, “Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and                                        Father,who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by                                                grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.” 

Holy Spirit            Acts 9:31,“Then the churches throughout all Judea, Galilee, and Samaria had peace and                                  were edified. And walking in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit,                                        they were multiplied.” 

The Word of God, the Bible, is a huge source of our comfort:

 · Romans 15:4 tells us, “For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” 

· 1 Thessalonians 4:18 

Each Believer is to comfort: 

· “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) 

· “Tychicus, a beloved brother, faithful minister, and fellow servant in the Lord, will tell you all the news about me. 8 I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that he may know your circumstances and comfort your hearts” (Colossians 4:7–8) 

· “Aristarchus my fellow prisoner greets you, with Mark the cousin of Barnabas (about whom you received instructions: if he comes to you, welcome him), 11 and Jesus who is called Justus. These are my only fellow workers for the kingdom of God who are of the circumcision; they have proved to be a comfort to me.” (Colossians 4:10–11)

In what way do we comfort one another?

· With the comfort we each have received from God – “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

· We receive comfort through our individual relationship with God and we receive comfort through our relationship with one another.

We are blessed to have so many different sources of comfort available to us as God’s children!

As we look at these verses we begin to understand the importance of involvement in the local church? Unless we are active members, actively comforting one another...we miss out, and our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ miss out, on the comfort God offers His people!

God intends for us to receive comfort from two angles: Vertically, through our relationship with Him and horizontally, through our relationship with one another in the local church!

Why would we deprive ourselves of the great blessing of comfort from God? Why would we shortchange ourselves when God desires us to have comfort "coming and going"? We hurt not only ourselves, but our fellow brethren as well! 

These words of Jesus ought to move us to action in the area of giving and receiving comfort in the body of Christ. 

“Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’ 44 “Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” (Matthew 25:41–46)

Blessings for today!

Your Care Pastor                                                                                                                                                                                                     Dave Knight

How to Become an Effective Encourager within the Body of Christ 
                     

1) Be Willing to Receive Encouragement.

Sometimes pride can get in the way of receiving encouragement. It can even keep us from asking for encouragement from others when we are hurting. I find it interesting that when I hit my thumb with a hammer or get a paper cut, how my other hand quickly rushes to hold the other hand.  I don’t even have to think about it. It automatically rushes to the aid of the hurting member. My hurting hand just accepts the aid of the other hand. Just as our human body reacts naturally to hurt and pain; we as the body of Christ need to acknowledge our weaknesses and come forward for help. Some of us try to tough it out and have a stiff upper lip when we could more quickly be restored by receiving some encouragement. 

On the other hand…we need to be careful that we don’t take advantage of others and demand that they make us feel secure, loved, and appreciated. Are you thankful to God when He graciously sends someone to encourage you, or are you angry at people who fail to make you feel better? Graciously receiving grace and care is better than demanding things from God and others.

2) Take the Lead Creatively

(Heb. 10:24, 25) “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Those who are effective in encouragement spend time prayerfully reflecting on this issue when they are not with the person. 

I've noticed that when I come to meetings prepared with my thoughts and ideas ahead of time; the meeting seems to me to go better and smoother and it’s more enjoyable because I’m not depending on the teacher, leader to do all the labor (trying to pull ideas out of folks). I find that the meeting went so much better for the leader and everyone else when I’m prepared to serve and come along side.

The same thing is true when it comes to attendance at church or ABF. When we plan to be there consistently, and be supportive and responsive it encourages the Pastor, Teacher, Praise Team and others when they see that those attending are supportive and involved. Prepare yourself before you arrive. Ask God to use you and work through you to be an encouragement to others. That way, you will be useful in God’s hands to build up the body of Christ.

When it comes to our spouse and close friends we sometimes drop the ball when it comes to encouraging them because we are comfortable with them and think that somehow they “already know these things.”

• Become a Good Listener.

James 1:19 “This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;”

God has been showing me lately how selfish and self-centered I am.  When I'm in a conversation with someone, I’m always thinking about what I’m going to say before they have even stopped sharing. I want to add my “two cents” in before I've actually heard what the other person has communicated.  A good listener is selfless; he is receptive to what the other person has to say because he shows him concern and respect by listening. 

I’m really trying harder to focus on getting to know the other person and listen to their heart. I know that when I sense this from others I always feel encouraged because someone actually heard what I was feeling.

• Use God's Word

Romans 15:4 For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

God's Word is the primary means of encouragement for Christians.  If you want to be an effective encourager, you must know the Word! That doesn’t mean just quoting the Bible…it's helping people see and discover God’s truth for themselves.

• Practice, practice, practice!!!

As in sports, music or anything that we want to be well versed in, develop, or enhance - we have to practice if we want to improve. When the Lord speaks to you about going over to a neighbor to encourage them...do it, don’t wait! When the Lord brings to mind someone who is hurting or sick...don’t procrastinate; move immediately! Send a card, make the call, go and visit. We will hear voices in our head that will come up with all kinds of excuses; ignore them and move ahead. There have been times when I have ignored those urgings from God's Spirit and have regretted not acting. You and I will find blessing and joy in those moments that God wants us to enjoy because we responded to His prompting to encourage someone.

Just a thought…not a sermon!

Blessings for today,
Dave Knight

In today’s blog I want us to explore various and powerful ways that we can all care for one another.

Besides learning how to love people, our neighbors and our world as Christ loves, there is another way that we can all care, comfort and encourage one another and that is by praying for and with people. We have wonderful opportunities to impact the lives of those we come in contact with every time we stop and pray for one another.

Pastor Greg and I are constantly encouraging our congregation to pray. I've been trying to get into the habit of praying immediately with someone when they share a concern or problem. I've found that people greatly appreciate the fact that I took the time right then and there to talk to God with and for them. It can be a very comforting experience for those who are troubled to know that God hears and understands their circumstance and has the power to act on their behalf.

But prayer is so much more than a comforting exercise. Praying to God is talking to the creator of your very being. It is being connected with the God of the universe. You and I are invited to pray.

In Jeremiah 33:3 God tells us, ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

God himself invites us to bring our burdens, our cares and our needs to him. He even invites us to come boldly in order to find mercy and grace to help in our times of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16) He designed you and me to be in communication with Him.

Jeremiah 29:12 says, “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen.”
God cares about each one of us as individuals. The Bible tells us that he knows the number of hairs we each have on our head.(Matthew 10:30) He knows every person who has ever wandered far from Him. (Matthew 18:12)

Maybe today you feel like no one really knows who you are. God knows. He waits to hear your voice. “For He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5c) You can pray because you are invited! 

 
As your Care Pastor, I want to encourage you to begin doing two things this week:

• First, communicate with God today and every day. Find some time early in the morning, during your lunch hour, or before you go to bed in the evening to just quietly pray and talk to God. Praise Him, thank Him, share your heart and troubles with Him, and then, listen to hear what He wants to say to you. 
• Second, as the Lord would bring people across your path this week, stop and listen to their hearts and ask if you can pray for them. It doesn't have to be a long or poetic prayer, just a short acknowledgement that you recognize together that God knows and cares will be sufficient. You will be a great encouragement to them and it may even open up a door to share even deeper the power of Christ that can be experienced personally.

Just a thought... not a sermon

Blessings for today!

Your Care Pastor,

Dave Knight